How our stillborn baby will always live on.

How our stillborn baby will always live on in our lives

A new initiative is helping families cope with the pain of stillbirth, writes Ailin Quinlan

The images are poignant. Tiny fingers clutch a wedding ring, little feet rest on a parent’s palm, an infant nestles on its mother’s breast.

But these babies are dead, their parents grieving.

Although some families may not like the idea of photographing a stillborn baby, for others, photographs of those final moments together can provide a crucial link with a lost child.

When a baby dies, the parents’ world is turned upside down. There is sorrow where there should have been joy, loss where a family should have been celebrating the arrival of a new child. And a sense of shock, because the death of a baby can be so unexpected.

Nicola McCormack and her partner were devastated when their baby son Connor was stillborn after a routine scan pinpointed the lack of a heartbeat.

Nicola recalls how they were initially reluctant to have photographs taken of themselves with Connor:

“At first we didn’t want to do it as we thought it was a bit morbid but the hospital recommended it and in the end we said yes,” says Nicola, a paramedic from Newbridge, Co Kildare.

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Joint RCM/SANDS Conference

Féileacáin were delighted to be invited to the joint RCM/SANDS conference which took place yesterday the 22nd of June in Dunsilly Hotel, Co. Antrim. We were even more delighted that our Chairperson Helen was invited to chair the afternoon session of the conference. The conference gave us a great opportunity to listen to and talk to some fantastic speakers such as Judith Schott (Sands), Dr Geraldine Scott-Heyes (Clinical Psychologist, BHSCT), Professor Garth McClure, Niamh Elliott (Staff Nurse, SEHSCT), Dr Claire Thornton (Consultant Paediatric Pathologist, BHSCT), Dr Alexander Heazell (Clinical Lecturer, Maternal and Fetal Health Research Group, University of Manchester), Ian Woodroffe (Psychological Support for Families Neonatal Services, Addenbrookes Hospital Cambridge University Hospital NHS Trust), Shona Hamilton (Chairperson RCMUK Board for NI) and Steven Guy  Parent advocate, SANDS NI) in the area of Palliative Care, research, neonatal nursing and the psychological impact of a stillbirth neonatal death on families. We would like to thank SANDS and the RCM for inviting us to the conference.

NILMDTS Photographers Training Day

A training day was held recently in the Ashling Hotel, Dublin to provide a framework of support to the newly, and soon to be, affiliated photographers of the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation.  Eighteen photographers attended the course which was specially designed by Mairie Cregan and the team at Aurelia Training and UCC.  Maire is research and training officer for Feileacain and is a lecturer and mental health professional as well as being a member of the Irish Institute of Training and Development.  The course was very well received and participants will undergo further training in June.  As demand increases we will run both modules again over the summer.  The course was run under the auspices of both Feileacain and Jacque Lopez (CEO of NILMDTS).  Feileacain looks forward to further cooperation with Jacque and her team at NILMDTS  where we will continue to promote this worthwhile service.

The inaugural walk to remember at Youghal.

Just before 3pm on Sunday the 1st of May (2011) , people began to gather at the Market square in Youghal. Where the charity Féileacáin had organised for their inaugural walk to start, marking “International Babylost Mothers Day”. The walk started in Australia over three years ago and now hundreds of people from all over the world help to mark the day, to remember not only the babies, but also to honor their families journey. The loss of a baby not only touches the parents and siblings, but the whole circle of love and support that surrounds the parents in their journey, this special day helped signify this and show how all these precious lives will be always loved and never forgotten.

Over 70 people came together in the Market Square, traveling from Cork city, Waterford, Skibbereen and of course Youghal and the surrounding area itself to mark this very special day. This special occasion was also marked around the world , with the International Babylost Mothers Day walk taking place in Australia, America, Canada, England and now Ireland has joined the list and hopefully it will grow from strength to strength with walks already planned for Waterford, Galway, Tralee and Belfast for next year.

For people who could not attend, Féileacáin also included their babies names on balloons with messages to be released at the end of the walk. Messages also came from America, Australia, New Zealand and Northern Ireland, Féileacáin attached these names and messages onto balloons to be included with the rest of the balloons released. Some people whose family attended the walk here, while their family members abroad also released balloons for them where they live at the same time. It is a very comforting thought to know that people from all over are reaching out to support one another read more

Feileacain -A Walk To Remember

On Sunday the first  day of May, the Irish charity Féileacáin (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Association of Ireland) are holding a walk to remember, from the market square in Youghal at 3pm. This 2km walk is to commemorate International Babylost Mothers Day and remember all babies who have died. Starting at the market square and finishing at the Beach at the front strand with a short ceremony and releasing balloons with messages and names attached in memory of babies who have died .

Féileacáin is a nonprofit organisation that aims to provide support to those affected by the death of a baby during pregnancy or shortly after. The organisation was formed in 2009 and officially launched in October 2010 by a group of seven bereaved parents; Brain and Liz Roche , Mairie Cregan, Helen Hayes, Jacinta Murphy, Jessie Castle and Mary Lane. Since then they have done amazing work and have come so far in such a short time. Féileacáin has gone from strength to strength in their effort to offer hope and support to others.

The death of a baby is one of the most devastating experiences that anyone can go through. While you’re pregnant you have so much hope, you plan for your baby and for yourself as you approach your role as Mother or Father, you have so many hopes and dreams for the life growing inside you. The initial shock and resulting grief can be completely overwhelming for the parents and their close family. It is an emotional journey that will forever affect every aspect of their lives. Maybe someone you know has experienced stillbirth or neonatal death and you didn’t know what to say to them or how to support them. All to often the confusion or fear of making an inappropriate comment paralyse  people, they don’t know what to say so they avoid the grieving parents. Their silence can hurt, the grieving parents need their baby’s existence to have made a mark, they have buried their baby not their existence. These beautiful babies came into their parents lives for short brief moments but will be forever in their hearts. Féilecáin know how precious each and every life is and how every baby’s life should be celebrated and recognized. They also know how hard this experience is as they have all gone through the same heartbreaking experience. This is why Féilecáin volunteer their time to provide national ongoing support to those who need it through emails and phone calls. They also have started setting up local support groups, so far they have set up support meetings in Cork and Galway and are hoping to soon expand these to Tralee, Waterford and Kilkenny and hopefully at some stage they will become nationwide. Féileacáin are hoping to run training courses in Vienna Woods Hotel in July for anyone in Cork who would like to become a befriender volunteer and help facilitate a support group. Féileacáin are also working in setting up training for midwives and health professional, as to how parents are told and supported in hospitals.

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Lean On Me

For most families pregnancy and the birth of a baby is a time of hope and excitement, joy and wonder.  And while the majority of pregnancies start out this way, not all end so happily.  Instead of the happiness of greeting a new baby some families will be faced with the grim reality of an infant death.   Statistics show that in 2007 317 babies were stillborn in Ireland, a further 156 babies died before they were four weeks old (neonatal death), and  74 babies died between the ages of four weeks and twelve months.   Each of these 547 little babies were mourned not only by parents but also sisters, brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, extended family, neighbours and friends.  Professional staff too, working in the neonatal units are also deeply affected when a baby dies.

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